Are you ever homesick for a place you don't even know of? Recently I have been in such a state of mind where I'm always looking forward and wishing for certain events and creating more expectations. This is a confusing time in my life. This weekend is homecoming weekend and funny how I feel nothing for it. I was just writing my good friend who is in another country half way around the world and was trying to describe to her where my life is right now and how it feels to be in my fifth year of college at Messiah.
If you are at all familiar with loneliness or have at some point experienced the strange phenomenon of feeling so utterly alone, even as you are surrounded by others, maybe you can relate to me. It is a psychological loneliness not a physical one; no matter how many bodies are around your body, your mind is convinced that you are on your own in whatever pursuit or path it declares for you. Usually for me, this feeling comes when I experience social anxiety; large groups, even of friends and people I know can scare me off enough to enter into this lonely place where I believe I cannot be reached, by anyone, and it is all up to me to feel better or change somehow. Or in the usual case to continue feeling lonely and wade it out until something or someone comes along to break me from the hypnosis.
"And they're sharing a drink they call loneliness. But it's better than drinkin' alone."
i love you. i know the feeling, and it's scary -- not fun. i appreciate your honesty and sincerity.
ReplyDeleteironic how even though we aren't alone in our loneliness, we continue in that state?
strangely though, i think those lonely places can be places of blessing later on...
... sorry... just some musings on the mutual feeling.
love and miss you tons.
I understand this feeling of loneliness a lot. I definitely know how it feels to know that you're surrounded by friends, but to feel as if no one can comfort you or reassure you.
ReplyDeleteA lot of the time I feel like I have no one. I know that sounds terribly emo, but it's true (and if you can't be emo in your blog, where else can you do it, eh?)
I love you. If you ever want to talk, I'm sure we have a few feelings in common ;) Maybe not in exactly the same way, but you know.
I hear ya hunny. LOVE fromd Schroomate :)
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