So last week in a church, during the time when people from the congregation can voice any news they have for prayer requests or joys to share, Something struck me hard. I can't even count, probably at least half a dozen of them raised prayer requests for family members or friends battling cancer. I could feel an aura of concern, understanding, and support in the room.
I have had a very difficult past few months to put it lightly, in terms of my mental health. When I sought an intensive treatment for it, for the first time I believed what I was told; that I have a medical illness, like cancer. It is medical. And I was told there's hope; that however is for another post. And you see, the sad thing is people diagnosed and in treatment to get a handle on this kind of illness, find themselves having to "take care" of others simultaneously when they don't quite know how to support that person. And additionally, treatment is so incredibly complex, confusing, and really like throwing "darts in the dark" (as I've heard Dr.Amon describe the experience from a psychiatrists' point of view)
*side-note, in the youtube video of Dr. Amon he makes a very profound distinction that out of all the medical specialists in the field of medicine, psychiatrists are the only ones to virtually never look at the organ they treat.
And so, back to church community and what struck me. I couldn't help but wonder what the aura would feel like among the congregation after an individual stood up and asked for healing and prayer for a loved one with say, bipolar. What would the reception be like when I or any individual struggling with a mental disorder such as depression asked for prayers or wanted to "update" the congregation on their journey, in comparison to a prognosis, treatment plan, or update of someone with cancer. How would they see that person afterwards and how would they try and support that person? It is hard to even know when not many are sharing. And I think the reason why more aren't standing up is because like I mentioned, they are (in a unhealthy way), "taking care" of others for fear of being "too much", labeled, judged, or misunderstood. .
So, when you are there, in the chair across from your doctor or therapist, you sometimes have a horrible thought; I'd rather have cancer or something more "straight-forward and medical". This may sound offensive, foolish, outlandish, and just unimaginable (not to mention completely unproductive)-but I assure you reader, I am telling you my truth and some others I know of too; who are brave enough to admit the horrors of being mentally ill. We do not want to have these thoughts of course. BUT I think I need a place to tell them aloud because I think it is a reflection of society's stigma, still today.
I am thankful it is improving little by little.
Additionally, I am in no means trying to suggest people with cancer don't struggle greatly and it is much easier. In fact I see very similar ways (despair, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, isolation, loneliness) we struggle; but again, I find this as a healthy platform to get the wheels turning. Wheels that have been turning within my mind for years (and many a prayer request offerings...) It has been hard to get out too because, as someone told me recently, "depression is the swallowing of your feelings."
I have felt comfortable enough in the past to voice my condition and have experienced an array of responses. I kept thinking in the church service today, that I hope for a day when half a dozen individuals can stand up and ask for prayer for a mental illness and not be afraid of their being placed outside of the socially acceptable box of medical issues. And I hope for a day when those taking it all in, to have the social skills to engage these people in their medical treatment, and to see it as such a thing, medical; not an embarrassing, unspeakable, demon-possession (yes), or signs of a weak, helpless, and lesser person who needs to be fixed and changed completely by a professional or who is incapable of relating to others.
Most importantly though, I pray that the people with depression, etc. will be first to make the steps to get us there. I'm proud to say I believe they are/will be: because they are more brave and courageous than most! I've been told I'm strong in my darkest moments and couldn't believe that, but I do now. For myself personally too I'd like to say I've been humbled lately through my treatment and afterwards. I'm seeing the necessity in readjusting expectations of people and myself. But not to the point I don't talk about what needs to be talked about. I won't swallow my scary feelings anymore.
So after this seemingly "venting" blog post I offered here for mental illness to be considered on the same level as cancer...I really am trying to balance it out on my end by being understanding too.
In honoring where I am, I must honor where the other is.
