We Finally Have A Song...

"I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down

on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May gods love be with you
Always
May gods love be with you

I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You cant keep awake

May gods love be with you
Always
May gods love be with you

cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
You

I dont know anymore
What its for
Im not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the Sun
Will you help me to understand
cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe youre not even sure what its for
Any more than me

May gods love be with you
Always
May gods love be with you"

~Josh Arthur

Please Insert Rocky Theme Song

I just returned now from a run and walk of at least 6 possibly 7 miles on the familiar terrain (back when i ran and biked) through the fields of Pennsylvania and outside of Messiah's quaint campus/town.

I feel I must post because I seriously compare what i just encountered on my run with what the temptation of Satan may have felt like to Jesus in his early ministry.

Satan's questions would be comparable to these thoughts i had to myself:

"You have not had enough nutrients to make it through this run. You'll pass out, no one around, no phone, what are you kidding yourself? this would be more than you've run in a total of a week...you aren't up for this, you're overambitious and it is going to get you in trouble. this is boring, see? how did you do this for all those years before? Just give up and make it a shorter run and get to work..."

whenever i stopped out of exhaustion the Satan thoughts returned:
"See, every time you stop it only makes it more difficult to start up again...you would have been happier with yourself if you had gone running straight through the entire time without stopping, like you used to! too late for that though..."

But then Grace spoke and I allowed my self to listen to her:

"This is a little accomplishment to some/many but it only matters to you, this will be such a boost you know afterwards, for having not run more than 2 miles straight in years, think how breakthrough this will be!?...and remember who you are and who you used to be, that is still the same person (FYI i used to be a competitive long distance runner) This is what you desire to get back to, so it will feel somewhat different, walking and listening and looking around you when you need to re-charge, that is o.k. one way of running is not better than another. You already started that is amazing! you do believe in the impossible sometimes, focus on two things, what you'll write about for the paper tonight and your breathing and each step forward. Stop beating yourself up and try and enjoy this. you have the time to spend an hour outside on a Sunday afternoon, so embrace it! don't feel awful that you are so privileged and spoiled and have things on a silver platter, no, those are the circumstances you have been born into, this free and open time will only last a few more months and then you are more on your own to make your life what you want it to be, but for now-just be. just run. just walk. just look around and praise God for beauty.

So I started my run at McCormick, parked my car, so that i could end up there to soak my feet in the water with all the fishermen out today...about an hour later i made it, trudging along with my ipod on listening to Broadway tunes i love from Wicked and Miss Saigon...yes, I'm odd. And I finally tried out this old rusty swing set towards the end of the run that I've passed zillions of times before but never had "time" for or was curious enough or thought I'd get so much pleasure out of swinging like a three year old again, but TODAY i did!

amen and I am finished, off my soap box.

I hope this helps someone. Maybe to see they're not the only ones talking to themselves. If you put it in my terms of Satan vs. Grace or perhaps- negative talk vs. positive talk or untrue self vs. true self or Satan vs. Jesus in the dessert quoting' all sorts of scripture to combat--you see you just aren't crazy you're just living the human experience we all do.

p.s. yes Grace is a female;)