Unlimited, my future is unlimited

A thought to myself: "Something happened in you tonight"

"Something has changed within me...something is not the same"-Wicked (the Broadway Musical)

And I decided I will be a beautiful and famously sought after, belting Broadway singer/actress, along with my friend Laura!! (in my second life that is:)
It was after tonight, when I was reunited with this friend; it brought me right back to my study abroad semester two years ago in Belize...when, this friend and I would belt these songs to each other constantly, laughing and having a ball doing it.
I find it hilarious and amazing that friendships of such a kind can so easily be jolted back into vibrant "song" and it's like flashbacks the entire time! I also was reunited with two other friends I saw in the union today by surprise (they were just in Zambia for the month) and I about toppled them over with hugs! These girls had gone to Belize with me too. I really do think experiences shared like that really bring you to a special level of understanding and genuine interest and care for the other people you spend it with, and right now I am thankful for such a thing.

Recently, I have had a number of people tell me how envious they are of me- because I still have a year yet to finish my undergrad and they are approaching the end quickly with this spring being the last semester in college. I have some thoughts on this.

I agree with them in that I am pretty darn glad I have another year to mole over things some more and get familiarized with the new subjects of study(Religions and Anthropology) I am in now. However, I also think: if they only knew how different my outlook was 8 months ago when I was trying to put the pieces back together after leaving the career path of Nursing...I said and believed such awful, painful, self-degrading things about myself, like:

[experts from journal entry in April 2007]

"I feel like I have already defeated myself. Why can't I just get over the difficulty of this time and just get my work done so it will all be over and done with. So many people believe in me but I don't believe in me. Music is my only comfort right now. Dance is my outlet. I want to do what I love, not do things I don't feel good about or confident with (a.k.a. nursing school)
I am starting to get used to the sound of that. FAILURE. I feel so behind everyone and everything!"

But now I am whistling such a different tune...but it took time, for healing, forgiveness, understanding and revelations. It really is crazy how in one moment your life seems so unfixable and chronically failing, declining, digressing and the next (grant you, months later) moment you can only see opportunity and potential and relief from escaping something unfit for you.

I'd like to just conclude for the evening-appropriately with another quote from one of my favorite songs from Wicked,

"Something has changed within me, something is not the same.
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and...leap.
Its time to try defying gravity, I think I’ll try defying gravity and you can't pull me down!"