I chose Depression today.
Why did I invite her in to my bedroom this morning? Why are some days harder than others? Why do i hear her so clearly some days and so faintly other days? What is a day even worth? How much effort we put into making it a productive and successful 16hours? My day today has been worthless then in this regard. Back to my choice this morning; I invited her in reluctantly and slowly, letting her take down each of my defenses i had set up in my mind. Then inevitably she became the easy out and the more comfortable alternative, so i picked her. For those next few hours spent in deep sleep (seemingly peaceful) I am unaware what she was doing during that time. Could she have been manipulating me further while I was unaware of it? Or was I already aware of this because it has happened too many times to count? When i awaken though, she begins to converse with me; bombarding me with ill qualified advice, remarks and comparisons. "Kori, you are scaring yourself with how far behind in your work you are getting" "look at you, how will you amount to anything in life with such lack of motivation and confidence?" "Kori, come here, stay, i'm here for you, I can understand what you must be feeling...although no one else can"
I chose to be friends with depression today; but what kind of a friend is this?
She is a deceptive friend indeed! More like the Siren song that lured Ulysses and his boat of men toward the dangerous jagged rocks where they could be destroyed. There is no true comfort here, just a sweet seductive melody to lure the unguarded heart with promise of escape. Awake!! Do not be fooled by such promises. Plug your ears to her plaintive call, look away from her lying eyes. It is better to chose the strain and struggle of life than the soothing, sleepy song of silence.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Mom
thanks mom:) you're always good for remembering the classics. I will try and chose the strain and struggle over the sleepy song.
ReplyDelete-sweetpea
You need to kick depression's ass and through her out the door, say see ya later, i don't need a friend like you! Instead invite the friend of sanity in and listen to her more empowering messages: i will get up today, as hard as it is and i will say to my mind stop thinking these negative thought patterns as soon as they begin. i am beautiful, i have talents, i have people who love me. mom was more poetic, but yeah, what she said.
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