Writing

So I have been away for quite some time. Not exactly sure why but i think it has to do with working alot this summer, not feeling too inspired to write on much and most recently moving into my new home in Harrisburg and beginning classes this fall.

So I am back none the less and after only two "syllabus/orientation" days of class I am already full of inspiration, juices are flowing and ideas are just around the corner (i hope.) Because number one, my professors are amazing! number two I will be doing ALOT of writing this semester and number three all of my classes rock and are in my major.
Theology of Religions
Religions of China and Japan
Old Testament Literature
History of Christianity
Biblical and Religious Studies Major Senior Seminar

I am full of different emotions at this point in the semester. As I have told many of you, I am definitely feeling this transition time in my life-entering my fifth year of College, living in a community where we share basically everything;most importantly FOOD! as well as, commuting to school so it feels more like a job and when i'm on campus its all business and homework and when i'm home its all social/relationship building and cooking/cleaning. And I also plan to join the swim team at Messiah, which is in its first year! exciting stuff but hard stuff, especially the whole getting into shape to compete again (haven't swam in a meet since senior year of high school 2004) and two two-a-days! waking up at 5 30 AM!? I don't know about it, but i'm giving it a royal effort because I want to feel good about myself and I know from the past, athletics has definitely done that for me and exercising regularly is so good for anyone.

Changing topics and back to school-I'd just like to share a little advice I received from a Professor, speaking to the whole class; he told us that the key to writing is NOT creativity and artsy, impressive language and so on, but the key is- One, knowing what you want to say and Two, writing it clearly and succinctly. And what made the most impression on me was the first priority for a writer, and that being, to know what you want to say. I find now, that that has been my biggest problem area and accounts for (I think) why my writing has not been completely finished and/or clear enough to the reader, for their full understanding of my meaning. Just like that sentence, even now I am re-reading and changing things around and still it seems jumbled and confusing and a run-on. haha, prime example.
So I am looking forward to really working on this and believe me, I will not have any problem with lack of assignments for practicing, because I am taking a writing intensive class. It is so encouraging to hear my professors say that a large goal/priority for them this semester in each particular course, is to make us better writers, thinkers and to really polish our skills in theological writing!

There is one professor whom I had prior to this year, that i have again, who is just one of those people you want to record and listen to their brilliant words over and over. He told us today that we will need to learn how to "economize our use of the English language" in writing our briefs and book reviews which have a strict word count limit.

I will sign off with a promise to you and myself to keep writing, even when I don't think it is good enough. I may post some of my book reviews and other essays if they are pertinent and I think some of you would find them intriguing and engaging enough. Remember that I look forward to your responses:)

life

lyrics by Regina Spektor:

So this is how it works, you're young until you're not. You love until you're done. You try until you can't. You laugh until you cry, cry until you laugh. And Everyone must breath until their dying breath. No, this is how it works. You peer inside yourself. You take the things you like and try to love the things you took. And then you take that love you made and stick it into some. Someone else's heart, pumpin' someone else's blood and walk arm and arm. You hope it don't get hard but even if it does, you just do it all again.

I couldn't attempt to say it any better.

Summer Time

Hey blog readers--if you know me and would like to view some pictures, I have updated my Picasa Web Album so feel free.
Go here:

http://picasaweb.google.com/sweetpkobes

Poetry

untitled 1
written during a church service

Good, Bad
Black, White
Tried to send the Light the best they knew
Shouldn't we ask for more?
Relief, Development
servant, Master
Male, Female
Poor, Rich
Joy, Mourning
Staring Faces
Prim & Proper
eyeing up and down
no visible love
judging appearances
no visible love
deep down curiosity
coveting
Pridefully boasting of the way this place is a loving, witnessing community
Christ brought back the focus on Peace and Love of God and neighbor
You need to do business with God
Pay attention to the signs

untitled 2

Creative Expression
no understanding
She convicts her audience
with nothing less than average

What is common place?
Where is Never land?
As we grow older do we become wiser?

Innocence can never be retrieved

Oh but to find life again
after such darkness and seemingly hopeless despair
That is something to boast in

Find the joy in life
Find who you've given the joy of life to

Lists that never end

Doors, walls, ceilings, locks, windows, curtains, head phones, cell phones, TV sets, flashing lights, and sirens.
Boundaries, gates, fences, compartments
There is a place for every activity
What is privacy?
Is this a human, god-given right?
Do we earn anything we are given?
Together we march, walk, run, fly, sing, chant, eat, consume, sell, buy, work, create, and watch the world
Alone we sleep and dream, cry, make a fool of our self, meditate, apply make-up, indulge our temptations, read the paper, write to ourselves, make decisions, and vote.
A soul finds its worth
The weary earth rejoices

Health and Balance

At this moment, I am in my room on my bed, listening to the storm outside and the very loud rain falling on our roof. I have wanted to post for a while now and finally am glad for this moment of opportunity.

There has been a mixture of things on my mind. I feel like we live surrounded by opposites and extremes and so it makes sense for me to be thinking about so much and then other times hardly anything at all but the task at hand. There is this theme I find running through my life's monologue I keep. This theme I really have never been able to explain very well or articulate to other people for I suppose many reasons but I just want to attempt it here, now and hope for reactions.

So many times i find that in life balance is the answer to everything. Again it's this pull of both extremes and I'm not just talking about good vs. evil. You know when you always get that bit of two sense from a friend or family member that goes something to the effect of, "well you kind of just have to find that happy medium"? Well I'd pay more attention to that than you'd think.

And also I'm not talking about living a typical, boring, uneventful, impassioned or devoid of fervor and zeal of a life to stay balanced--quite the opposite, I believe every single person will have a different time of measuring and finding their balance and it will be completely YOU and no one else. I do wonder also when I begin writing this thought process out if I don't sound completely a result of my new-agey, relativistic generation? I would like to think NOT but then i turn around at the moment I say that and ask myself in response, "Self, or Kori, what is wrong with being a direct result of your generation's values and beliefs?" And I can't answer for much other than, maybe, that small inner circle of conservative and narrow-minded Christian community I was willingly raised under would say in disguised judgement that I am too liberal minded and wishy washy and don't have a convincing enough foundation for these beliefs.

Oh but I know now I have come such a way from that, from them, from what I grew up accepting with full faith and no disregard. However, not to my regret, but simply for later on realizing the multitude of OTHER beliefs that exist in our world today as well as in history, even within a single culture, religion, era, species, geographical location, etc. This is what has completely changed me or maybe I should say opened or freed me. I also want to express here that this is me and how I have been all along but much of me was forced to be left out and put on the shelf; put on hold at the time i took my Christian faith into personal ownership. After studying at college and especially my education in the field of Anthropology this other side of me that was shut out for years has finally been freed and let loose to explore all her questions, interests, desires, curiosities, fears, and hopes! And god does it feel amazing.

And So I realize now that I feel a writers block coming and nothing coherent enough to continue with, that i never really got to the actual subject of this post, i.e. BALANCE = living a healthy life. But that is ok for now. I'll be back with much more and look forward to it!

peace out:)

Adrian Wilson

My friend from College is dead. is no longer alive on this earth he gave to and loved so much. My friend has left prematurely and all of us scratch our heads, bang our fists, cry our eyes out to figure why! Today at work when i drove home I thought of a song by Howie Day that I wanted to listen to; knowing it would have completely NEW meaning to it, considering Adrian. This is the chorus:

"It's the perfect time of day.
It's the last day of your life.
Don't let it slip away, while your heart is still racing.
It's the perfect time of day.
And you won't feel a thing.
And you won't recall, anything at all"

I have mixed feelings about these lyrics but it draws an interesting twist on how we view end of life, death, and remembering. Normally the last day of our life we don't view as "perfect" in any way shape or form, especially when it is not planned or expected! Why did the artist choose that word to describe the final day, the final breaths, gasping in agony and frustration (Adrian drowned off the coast of Spain while on a farming/service trip.) I have constant flash back memories coming into my brain to remember my dear friend-what else can one do? Maybe it is described as perfect because the artist believes, simultaneously life begins again in a new way. All i know is that life is precious and I miss and mourn a dear friend.

the C word

I don't know what it feels like to be told, "I'm sorry but you have cancer" so I am not attempting to describe how I feel but simply to put it out there for anyone who is reading this; to please remember those affected by this awful word and awful disease for that matter.

I recently heard from my two friends of their mother's getting breast cancer.

Please take this time to be silent, meditate, pray, reflect on these two women and for their families and loved ones.

Thank you.

Turning a new Page

What a beautiful event I have just returned from! Two good friends just got married this morning at my home church and I couldn't help but smile at what I saw and tear up at what I heard. It was a long engagement for this couple and part of it was spend apart with him oversees serving our country and so this day was such a joyful one for them and all their connections. My favorite part of weddings (now that I've been to quite a few, with older siblings and cousins during my younger years and my very own friends these days) is watching the groom as the bride walks down.

The pastor, a former youth pastor for us back in high school, married them and I won't forget his message. Well there were a few but especially this; he said that both people came together in this marriage already complete and whole people and they knew who they were in God. So that now, their love could be so real and true and genuine because neither of them will need to find something in one another but their relationship is a wonderful gift from God for their betterment. I find it to be so true that when people are content and love themselves they can bring much more to another person and that relationship because they aren't looking selfishly for more or are in need of certain things to help their self-esteem. This is not to say however that their love is less intense, passionate or exciting and the pastor also reminded them of this as well; that even with their Earnest personalities they must remember to love with "reckless abandonment" and to not buy into the saying that love grows dimmer as the couple ages in marriage. He claimed quite the opposite actually.

I recently was reading a sermon on a similar idea of love. He (the minister) poses the question of how should love be dispensed? should it be frugally, cautiously, wisely, or sparingly? No, true love is wasteful and impractical. He made the correlation of this with the story (Mark 14) of Mary pouring the entire bottle of perfume on Jesus' feet. The other disciples and people he was eating with didn't understand her at all and immediately began criticizing her before Jesus and then Jesus tells them this, "Leave her alone. Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor will always be with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body before to prepare for my burial. I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her."

I found myself thinking anthropologically as I sat there witnessing this marriage service take place. I was becoming overwhelmed with thankfulness for the culture I am apart of and the customs and traditions we uphold; like this occasion of marriage for example. I think it is such a blessing we have to make marriage such a public and formal event to not only give the couple attention and honor but also for the betterment of the community itself-to remind those who are in attendance of the important things in life to uphold and respect and be in awe of. I thought how this service is an example of my American culture (as well as many others in their varying styles and customs) and in turn demonstrates some of my culture's values and traditions.

Interestingly too in a conversation with someone afterwards, this idea of comparing our culture with others came up. She was merely saying how she has been able to become content and happy "living at home still" as an adult. And what helped her get to this point she told me was the realization from study of other parts of the world that she would be looked at as quite the norm everywhere else, where people live with their families for years and years. She said it is only in this country or culture that you have people looking at you like you're weird when you end up living close to your own kin. I was happy for her and to see another example of how thinking anthropologically is so healthy!

As my post title says...turning a new page...this is kind of the second part. First it was my friends' marriage as a page being turned in their life and now I will share what page my life has turned from and where I see it heading.

This is the beginning of an entry on April 22, 2008.

"I can do it. I do have control over my life. I will go to class. I will go to work. I will "fake it to make it" ... I will accept the consequences of my previous behavior and choices made when depressed... I will be careful not to have higher expectations than is reasonable and appropriate. I do have ability to turn my attitude away from the comforting darkness.
I am strong. I will get better."

I'm still looking back at this last year and semester, smiling, as it was so much of a fight for survival which turned into so much more! I wanted to share for a change one of the positive/uplifting voices I have and hope it can reveal an honest face-value look at someone (quite ordinary and much like others out there) treating and getting better from depression and anxiety or any other mental disorder or illness.

I've been feeling what it is like to live a stable, functioning, life for months on end now and it has been incredible and very rewarding and fulfilling. So far this summer I have intensely job searched, gone on a roadtrip with my boyfriend and friends to Acadia NP in Maine for a week, Job searched some more, visited my boyfriend at his home before he left for a cross-the-country roadtrip, job searched a more...and now (finally) work through a temp agency and do clerical and filing work and also give swim lessons on the side. Working about 40 hours a week keeping me busy but still enough time for checking out 11 books at the library.

I love Summer Life. I really think i'm built for it. Work is good and mindless so i'm not stressed, then evenings spent curled up on a couch reading a good book or watching a movie with a friend (namely my other half, Kate Laramie).

The most exciting thing recently has been my sister and her daughter "Josie" the walking, getting into everything toddler visiting these next two weeks!

The second most exciting this is my plan to order a hammock stand so i can set up my belize hammock in our yard and lounge there all the time!!!

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"

So, this summer I am living back at Home, with my niece, older brother and parents. It is a very interesting time in my life and I am gaining a very new perspective through this added family member living with us; Caitie, my 7 year old niece and my shadow, mind you.

I have been able to sit back and watch this child be raised by her grandparents, my parents; Nana and Pop-Pop. And this is the first time I have ever had someone younger than me since I am the baby of the family so it's quite interesting/scary/amusing/comforting. Let me explain.

When I was growing up, my sister next in age to me was my model and inspiration and basically our arguments and quibbles revolved around that truth. But, sometimes this kind of awe-like flattery can come across a little too over-the-top and annoying when you are the model. Why does she have to do everything I do? When will she just get her own life and think for herself? Why can't she just leave me a lone for a minute!? Honestly, can't she find her own creativity? And when I was the little copy-cat, shadowy image of my older sister Holly, these types of questions made little to no sense and seemed insignificant to me as a kid.

Nowadays, however I am finding myself to be the model and recipient of said copying and following from Caitie. I sometimes want to laugh at it because I see myself in her but then I see myself in Holly too and want to hide "so i can just get some peace and quiet alone". It's the age-old turning of the wheels, entering a new phase in life and seeing how the tables always do turn on you and you're forced to see yourself and your relationships through a different lens. Life is funny that way.

And so I want to draw attention to a wonderful memorable tv/book series called Anne of Green Gables because in the second installment there is a wonderful line spoken by Anne to some young admirer of hers. She says, in response to one of her girl students who claims she will wear her hair JUSt like that when she turns 18 that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery". I was reminded of this the other week when I made my lunch and brought out a book to read on the deck of our house, with a bathing suit on and I find Caitie ready across the table from me with a bathing suit, visor and glasses with a stack of her "Junie B" books to read;)

This is a fundamental human way of learning and living: via imitation, doing, acting through following example. Theology/Religion relating to above--> Jesus makes sense in this train of thought because he is the Divine's ultimate example of perfection and holiness and everything we should strive after. This is all to please God but not only that; the scriptures also say it is for our own happiness and well-being; so that "it may go well with you and your off-spring." I think it so helpful and honestly a priviledge that we have recordings of Jesus so we can be his copy-cat to follow and learn and also we have many other wonderful Jesus-like figures in all different time periods, parts of the world, social classes, races, males and females. Yet i think just about EVERYONE can agree that Jesus' way of life is worthy of exemplifying.
can I get an amen?

If you read this blog, feel free to comment on this post with names of Jesus-like figures you live after.

Kindred Spirits

My Roommates are so much apart of me, I just had to dedicate a blog post to them! Since I have been home for a whole week since Graduation and a road trip to Maine's Acadia NP, I have had some quiet time to reflect and admire the past year and memories made. I think the reason I love my friends so much is because of how different we all are from eachother. Here is a quick synopsis of my four roommates this past school year from 2007-2008.

Elizabeth Monachello the ringleader, event coordinator, high spirited, highly motivated, beautiful personality as well as physique; a runner at heart, pusher, over-achiever, obsessor of cook books and peanutbutter and all things Italian. Liz has the utmost ability to do whatever she puts her mind to and she will see it through; she is loyal and faithful and radiant!

Emily Powell the crazy, fun-filled, creative voice of the group; shopaholic for vintage, deals and wegmans' goodies at the end of a work day; master mac'ncheese and popcorn connoisseur and omelate maker; encourager, uplifter and seeker. She has a knack for compromise and communicating while also listening to other's viewpoints. She is so very other-oriented and self-less while always considering other people's strengths, talents, and struggles. And she is going to be Mark's wife in less than a month!!!! Oh and she makes THE best Baklava.

Laurabeth Weaner is a puzzle piece still being put together and she doesn't hide much but wears her emotions, ideals, opinions on her sleeve; A perfectionist cleaner, cook/baker, and student; She knows what she loves and that is competetive running, being outdoors, ice-cream, food in general, Meat, FREE food!! swing dancin', Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, Farm boys, being absolutely ridiculous and laughing and probably first and foremost her Lord, Savior and God. She is like a memorable character in a book or movie:)

Gretchen Peck is the most loveable lady who commands respect and understanding from her listeners with her quiet, humble intellect and curiousities. She can do no wrong, this blonde beauty who loves good old Lottie Nelson (our school's dining hall) and was loyal to it even her last semester as a Senior. She is questioning but at the same time solid and grounded in who she is and how she sees the world. Our green thumb, country girl who is the best at being laid back, reading maps, crocheting, making gifts for people, knitting, sledding, jumping off cliffs, doing anything and daring others to join her in challenges;) one of our favorite phrases= "There are no wrong turns, only new adventures"

We all share a love for ice-cream, dancing, being crazy and wacko and making and consuming good FOOOOD!