"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"

So, this summer I am living back at Home, with my niece, older brother and parents. It is a very interesting time in my life and I am gaining a very new perspective through this added family member living with us; Caitie, my 7 year old niece and my shadow, mind you.

I have been able to sit back and watch this child be raised by her grandparents, my parents; Nana and Pop-Pop. And this is the first time I have ever had someone younger than me since I am the baby of the family so it's quite interesting/scary/amusing/comforting. Let me explain.

When I was growing up, my sister next in age to me was my model and inspiration and basically our arguments and quibbles revolved around that truth. But, sometimes this kind of awe-like flattery can come across a little too over-the-top and annoying when you are the model. Why does she have to do everything I do? When will she just get her own life and think for herself? Why can't she just leave me a lone for a minute!? Honestly, can't she find her own creativity? And when I was the little copy-cat, shadowy image of my older sister Holly, these types of questions made little to no sense and seemed insignificant to me as a kid.

Nowadays, however I am finding myself to be the model and recipient of said copying and following from Caitie. I sometimes want to laugh at it because I see myself in her but then I see myself in Holly too and want to hide "so i can just get some peace and quiet alone". It's the age-old turning of the wheels, entering a new phase in life and seeing how the tables always do turn on you and you're forced to see yourself and your relationships through a different lens. Life is funny that way.

And so I want to draw attention to a wonderful memorable tv/book series called Anne of Green Gables because in the second installment there is a wonderful line spoken by Anne to some young admirer of hers. She says, in response to one of her girl students who claims she will wear her hair JUSt like that when she turns 18 that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery". I was reminded of this the other week when I made my lunch and brought out a book to read on the deck of our house, with a bathing suit on and I find Caitie ready across the table from me with a bathing suit, visor and glasses with a stack of her "Junie B" books to read;)

This is a fundamental human way of learning and living: via imitation, doing, acting through following example. Theology/Religion relating to above--> Jesus makes sense in this train of thought because he is the Divine's ultimate example of perfection and holiness and everything we should strive after. This is all to please God but not only that; the scriptures also say it is for our own happiness and well-being; so that "it may go well with you and your off-spring." I think it so helpful and honestly a priviledge that we have recordings of Jesus so we can be his copy-cat to follow and learn and also we have many other wonderful Jesus-like figures in all different time periods, parts of the world, social classes, races, males and females. Yet i think just about EVERYONE can agree that Jesus' way of life is worthy of exemplifying.
can I get an amen?

If you read this blog, feel free to comment on this post with names of Jesus-like figures you live after.

Kindred Spirits

My Roommates are so much apart of me, I just had to dedicate a blog post to them! Since I have been home for a whole week since Graduation and a road trip to Maine's Acadia NP, I have had some quiet time to reflect and admire the past year and memories made. I think the reason I love my friends so much is because of how different we all are from eachother. Here is a quick synopsis of my four roommates this past school year from 2007-2008.

Elizabeth Monachello the ringleader, event coordinator, high spirited, highly motivated, beautiful personality as well as physique; a runner at heart, pusher, over-achiever, obsessor of cook books and peanutbutter and all things Italian. Liz has the utmost ability to do whatever she puts her mind to and she will see it through; she is loyal and faithful and radiant!

Emily Powell the crazy, fun-filled, creative voice of the group; shopaholic for vintage, deals and wegmans' goodies at the end of a work day; master mac'ncheese and popcorn connoisseur and omelate maker; encourager, uplifter and seeker. She has a knack for compromise and communicating while also listening to other's viewpoints. She is so very other-oriented and self-less while always considering other people's strengths, talents, and struggles. And she is going to be Mark's wife in less than a month!!!! Oh and she makes THE best Baklava.

Laurabeth Weaner is a puzzle piece still being put together and she doesn't hide much but wears her emotions, ideals, opinions on her sleeve; A perfectionist cleaner, cook/baker, and student; She knows what she loves and that is competetive running, being outdoors, ice-cream, food in general, Meat, FREE food!! swing dancin', Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, Farm boys, being absolutely ridiculous and laughing and probably first and foremost her Lord, Savior and God. She is like a memorable character in a book or movie:)

Gretchen Peck is the most loveable lady who commands respect and understanding from her listeners with her quiet, humble intellect and curiousities. She can do no wrong, this blonde beauty who loves good old Lottie Nelson (our school's dining hall) and was loyal to it even her last semester as a Senior. She is questioning but at the same time solid and grounded in who she is and how she sees the world. Our green thumb, country girl who is the best at being laid back, reading maps, crocheting, making gifts for people, knitting, sledding, jumping off cliffs, doing anything and daring others to join her in challenges;) one of our favorite phrases= "There are no wrong turns, only new adventures"

We all share a love for ice-cream, dancing, being crazy and wacko and making and consuming good FOOOOD!

A New Hope (not the first installment of Star Wars:)

The other day when I got off the phone with my new Muslim friend, I just couldn't help but be full of contentment, a sense of enlightenment, and joy. My roommate could obviously see it on my face and I told her, "Now I just need to find a job that lets me do that [speak to people of different religious and cultural experiences and backgrounds]" and I simply smiled at the ridiculousness of what I just requested. But then my roommate who had been listening commented, "Yeah! You should do that, whatever that is"...I guess I'll just have to see.

The theme of this year for me is getting out of survival mode, and I have dubbed 2008 as "living the imperfect life" and this morning I was able to check one more thing off my to do list for the end of this semester! Man does it feel good, to complete an assignment on time; maybe not my absolute best but that is not what I'm going for anymore...it's about surviving, making it through to the finish line. For too long in my college career have I not let this be my standard and priority. It has unfortunately caused much upset, pain and disappointment on my end. I never could measure up so then I started giving up in so many senses and honestly had forgotten the feeling; pleasure of handing in or presenting on something I worked on to the best of my capabilities and being done with it.

Fortunately though I feel a change coming on me and I welcome it with open arms! Partly it is due to other people but it also took on my part, willingness and humility to step down from my pedestal to welcome their help, encouragement and support which created a
renewed hope.

Thank you

Missing You

I love to listen to this song over and over...there's just something about it that brings me back to high school days but then also brings me to issues of lost family and friends from addictions, and other issues usually spawned from an outsider; force or influence.

If you don't know this one, definitely listen to it, not just read the lyrics:)
Song title: Wounded
Band: Third Eye Blind

"The guy who put his hands on you,
has got nothing to do with me.
And the bruises that you feel will heal
and I hope you come around,
cause we're missing you.

You used to speak so easy,
now you're afraid to talk to me.
Its like walking with the wounded.
Carrying that weight way too far,
the concrete pulled you down so hard
out there with the wounded,
We're missing you.

Well I never claimed to understand what happens after dark
but my fingers catch the sparks at the thought of touching you,
When you're wounded
......

Lemme break it down till I force the issue
You never come around and you know we miss you
Well nobody took your pride away
I said, "thats something people say"
Back down the bully to the back of the bus,
cause its time for them to be scared of us
till you're yelling how we're living cause you got the ball
and then you rock on, baby, rock on, you rock on. on and on.

My Theology in Progress

Christ was able to say "forgive them for they know not what they do" I think because he had some other greater, superior knowledge to enable him to say this. I cannot accept Christ's gruesome and violently blood thirsty death to have been "necessary" for God's forgiveness and reconciliation. Maybe this is due to my lack of greater, superior, outsider knowledge that Christ possessed? Or I am thinking of this in a comparative way, in which I equate Jesus' violent, horrific death to any War, that in principle it should never be "necessary" and always, absolutely the last resort to conflict, power-struggle, oppression, etc...? I am also not sure I would have these thoughts and such a difficulty of acceptance I had so easily in the past. But after taking a biblical topics class on divine violence, I have asked the question why Jesus' death had to be necessary and the only plan God had in mind to enable a second chance for humanity? Can there be violence in Love? Is love able to exist alone in absence of the rest of the hurt, pain, evil, perverted, violence to counterbalance it and define it even more? Because I can definitely see the argument for love not able to exist in its most extreme and powerful form without an extreme opposite to help, but still when it comes to the divine and celestial beings and the spiritual world, why can't violence be left alone?

Lyrics = Best kinds of Poetry

• On my own...

• Am i part of the cure or am i part of the disease?
• Tell me why, why you've got your secret locked inside?
• Confusion never stops
• We live in a beautiful world, yeah we do, yeah we do.
  
• Stars in your multitude, scarce to be counted, filling the darkness with order and light
• When you live on a city on a hill, You've got to shine your light
  
• Another day, another destiny, this never ending road to calvary
• You broke the thorns and unleashed the chains, carried the cross of my shame, of my shame, You know i believe it.
  
• But I still haven't found what i'm looking for
• It's alright, cuz there's beauty in the breakdown
  

• Life is short but sweet for certain
• For goodness sake I think i'm on the edge of something new with you, you make me sick
• Killing me softly with his song
• And i know its only in my mind...

(works cited: Les Miserables, Coldplay, Rebecca St. James, Frou Frou, Jennifer Knapp, U2, Maroon 5, Dave Matthews Band, Charles Fox & Norma Gimbel)

Everything seems worse in my head...

This is something I just wrote real quickly a few months ago. Interestingly it still rings true now.

Frustration
Paralyzed
Stuck
Unlearning
Stepping backwards
Never far enough away
One thing at a time...
I tell myself
Can i do this?
was i cut out for academia?
I want tears
I want scars
tell my story
so afraid of failing
I set out on that path anyway
I am my biggest judge, critic, determiner
If i could move, I'd be a bird
fly away, to see the smallness of it all
I'd fly to a safe haven and stay until the storm was over
i'm falling fast
Where do i belong?
can i have answers instead of questions?
"I'm a king on my knees" -borrowed from Jennifer Knapp

"Rapunzel" lyrics by DMB

can't stop playin this one!!
" Ha, open wide, All so good I'll eat you, Take me for a ride, In your sweet delicious,
Perfect little mouth, There upon I linger, You will have no doubt, I'll do my best for you I'll do
Love...
Lets stop to get it going, Lost myself just thinking, bout the two of us, From each other drinking
Begin with the lips, Fingertips and kissing, Turn me inside out, I do my best for you
Up and down we go, from the top you push me, This is such a thrill, Lost in love and dancing
Shake your tambourine, You blow my head open, Of one thing for sure I do my best for you I'll do.
For you I would crawl, through the darkest dungeon climb the castle wall If you're my Rapunzel
You let down your hair right through the window. Good they locked the door cuz I'll do my best
for you I'll do. I think the world of you, to you i'll be true, From you my strength is full,
to carry your burdens too, too good to be real.
Smell of something cooking, You my soul to steal, Food of love were filling. What you've given me
For it is there is no measure.
Of one thing i am sure, I'll give my best for you
Hip lock up so tight, you know drive me crazy, crazy is alright with you lookin at me
You make me feel high, every single thing you do to me is like i'm drunk, given me given me The shiver "

lyrics speak to me

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart if full and my doors always open
You can come anytime you want

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls


Happy Birthday Michael Frederick.

Trust in our Suffering

I'm sitting here listening to U2 that is on my "summer road trip" playlist on itunes and wishing i was headed somewhere on the wide open road with great friends with the same passion and desire for adventure. Instead I am bogged down with work, deadlines, exams, to do lists, events, chapels to go to, more plans to make and I'm just sitting here. still. There is something inside me that keeps me sitting. still. Still with the knowledge, mind you, of the latter I just previously mentioned must be completed and yet i sit, stuck, numb, overwhelmed, paralyzed-so-to-speak.

I have been surprised though; twice recently. Once was a couple days ago when Michael was talking about something that he didn't want to do, yet again, even he was aware of his repetition. However unlike most times when I nod my head or in some way show my empathy and understanding of the crappy situation that it is, something else occurred. Unbeknownst to me, I heard myself ask him simply, "what happened to the whole trusting God thing?" He and I were both in a way surprised at what I had suggested and it definitely got us thinking. In all honesty, that part of my faith/spirituality, whatever you want to call it, but that area of my life has really taken a dramatic shift. Maybe it has been a shift to neutral because I do not feel ready or convinced enough to move in any direction; but since that concept of Trust even surfaced then was an important sign for me.

Second surprise came from my New Testament Literature class. We are studying the gospel of Mark right now and since learning who Mark was writing to and the very obvious themes in the book, another word "surprised" me. And that is, suffering. First though let me explain that as I learned Mark was writing to the community of zealot Jews who had just experienced a failure revolt against the Romans at the "Rock of Masada" from 68-70BCE. So this is incredibly important in how Mark portrays Jesus, in a very human, feeling, suffering light because these Jews knew first hand what is was to suffer. I learned that not only were they killed and persecuted unjustly but they also had to be thinking things like, 'Where do we worship now with no Temple?' And 'What does God want us to do, Where is the source of our faith?' Therefore as you can read in Mark (which now reading it with these new insights is pretty enjoyable) the anticipating of his suffering and death as well as his last breath being "Father, Father, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:33-34) can make much more sense; knowing that his (Mark) listeners would completely relate and understand Jesus' agony and suffering portrayed. So anyway, just hearing about suffering again and the focus Mark deliberately took to have his readers see that our God, even the Christ; the Messiah was pre-ordained some may say, planned or was meant to suffer during his short life was another new sign for me.

Why is this a surprise to me? I think because I have been rather absorbed in my own hardships and daily difficulties that I lost sight of this truth that we have. The truth that you WILL suffer, but it is what you do with it, how you live despite it and through it that comes to hold more meaning and weight. There is no sense comparing one another's hardships because each person is completely and incomparably unique and justified to feel the way they feel. In the same thought we should still tell our stories and be real with one another. And being in the comfortable American middle class culture contributes to the forgetfulness that happens-when i forget that there is suffering everywhere! And so i'm going to try and not be so startled or surprised when I experience my own suffering (as if it is something so unique to just little old me) but remember the rest of the world right there too, trying to make it from day to day.